Long, long time ago I was very much in love. Unfortunately, my guy and I got separated, because I moved to the US. What's interesting is that after that for both him and me this type of thing continues. As soon as either of us finds somebody to fall in love with, the other person moves away... Anyway, for a while we wrote to each other and even today his letters are my most precious possessions. They're really beautiful and full of passion. So, I decided to share a few paragraphs from them with you. If you don't love anybody at this moment I hope that one day you'd find that kind of love and hopefully you and your sweetheart wouldn't have to move to different continents.
... I feel like I'm in a coma. All my friends say that they forgot when was the last time I had a normal conversation with anybody, because I either don't say a word or get stoned all the time. What am I suppose to talk with them about? About how bad I feel? Or should I pretend that I find extremely interesting what each one of them did that day? Even you told me to find myself a new girl-friend. How can I even think about anybody else when I close my eyes and see you. For some reason everyone says that what we had WAS great. In the past tense. Why 'WAS'? They say that what we had was true love. ...was... And you say that it WAS for real. I've had that real thing for a long time now and I don't think it will ever go away. I know we haven't made any promises to each other... All I have left is memories. I'm not even allowed to hope. Actually I do have a little hope about us in the future. You left and my purpose in life disappeared with you. I don't know what to live for. I don't want anything or anyone for that matter, except for you. I love you. I can't express it with words. I've loved you when you were close and I love you when you're far away and this new love is even stronger. I'm all alone. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy. If what you felt for me was real love it'll never die and that's where my little hope for us being together one day is coming from.
... On Saturday night we had a thunderstorm. It even snowed a few times in the course of the evening. The guys and I drank some and I decided to go to that island we went before. The one where we were taking pictures and made love on the beach later on, remember? Anyway, it was around 8 PM, thunderstorm was still on, I couldn't see shit outside, when I took out my fishing rod and told them I was gonna go fishing. My father said I was crazy, everyone else didn't even believe I'd go anywhere. Igor advised me to take a life saver in case I'd start drowning, Alex told me to grab an anchor, so at least I wouldn't have to suffer for long. I felt if I'd go to that island I'd feel better and something would change. They took the keys away from me and said that if I wanna drown I should do it close to the shore, so it be easier for them to find my body. So, I went there the next day. To be on that island again was really hard. I felt that you'd come out any moment and I'd be able to hold you. It's crazy that you think I'm gonna laugh at my feelings for you in five years. It's crazy that you say that you're nothing special. For me you're the most beautiful thing. And I won't laugh at my feelings after a few years. But if I'd show you my love or not depends solely on you. Remember that evening on the island we watched the sunset together? This time I also watched the sun go down, only this time I was by myself. Before I left I wrote: "I love you" on the sand. I don't think I'd ever laugh at that.
P.S. If you love me write it in your letters. "hugs-n-kisses" is not enough for me.
P.S. I still have some space left on the page so I decided to fill it with something - P.S.
P.S. It's 3:45AM! I have an exam tomorrow.
P.S. Don't drink too much coffee. It's bad for you. Take your dog for a walk instead.
P.S. Did you ever try to teach your dog to hunt squirrels?
P.S. I love you!
I loved that picture that you sent me. You're very beautiful. Only your eyes looked very sad. To tell you the truth my eyes aren't happy looking either. I'm really miserable without you. Sometimes it's so bad that I don't wanna live anymore. Then, when it gets a bit better I'd see you in my dreams and for the next week all I can think about is you. All my thoughts are about you and I can't think of anything else. And yet another time I realize how much I love you. I don't know how to explain it. I remember you every single day. I'm in shock. I never knew that it's possible to fall in love so hard. Now I know that it's possible.
I constantly think about you. I think about you when I watch TV, when I'm talking to somebody and I even think about you at night, because you come to me in my dreams. I'm trying not to show it to anybody, because if they were able to know my thoughts they would've sent me to a madhouse, (or they could've written the world's best romantic novel). I love you...